meeting Firefly's birthdad

So my wife is teasing me that I'm being too emo with my posts, so here is a more factual up to date on where we are with our "openness."

Firefly is almost 6 months old, and from before her birth we've had a positive working relationship with her birthmom, FM. Things with FM were and still are great, she called yesterday and told me that the more she is around Hero and me, the more she feels like she can be herself. She felt free enough to tell me some things that have been pretty emotional for her these last two weeks. It had been helpful for her to see Firefly, show her to some close friends, and just see how well she is doing. It feels like slowly, we are becoming family to each other.

Firefly's birthdad, FD, needed some time to figure out what role he was going to play in her life. The social worker at our adoption agency contacted him but it just seemed he wasn't ready to deal with what was happening. After some cool God moments (or random coincidences that were in our favor), FD bumped into our social worker at a restaurant, FD bumped into FM on the bus and FM was able to tell him about Hero and me and how well Firefly was doing, he decided it was time for him to check in.

Throughout this process I found myself hoping that he would include himself in Firefly's life. Through our experience with Puppy, so much of his physical attributes and future personality are linked to PD that getting to know PD felt like such a big part of knowing our son. I also think Puppy has greatly benefited from PD's presence. Knowing who PD is and that PD loves him I think helps him feel complete. There was a cool moment for me in the car when Puppy was going through a list of his important people with Hero and he said "PD is my birth daddy, PM is my birthmom, your my mommy mommy, and daddy is my daddy daddy." It was a precious moment that I will forever cherish.

So last Thursday we met with FD for the first time. Immediately I got a positive vibe from him, a feeling like this was a person open to a relationship. We met at the adoption agency with our social worker and spent an hour learning about each other and sharing about our hopes for the future. He held Firefly most of the meeting, and it was awesome. You could see the resemblance so clearly, she had big eyebrows like his and their eyes were both a deep dark brown. I could see that she gets her killer eyelashes from him. Firefly has lost patches of baby hair these first 5 months and it was really helpful to hear that his hair had been exactly the same as an infant and that we shouldn't worry, it would grow in. The most touching part was seeing him stare into her eyes with a big smile while she googoo-ed back and pulled on his hair and goatee. It was just a great time.

Obviously, one good meeting doesn't make a friendship or a lasting connection, but I was grateful for the start. It was all that I hoped for. Hero and I were able to explain some of our fears about the future, that one day he would just disappear from Firefly's life and she wouldn't know why. We expressed our hopes that on days like her birthday or Christmas if he wasn't able to see her, to send a card or something so that she would know that he is one of her special people. He received it well and I feel really hopeful about the future.

I never thought upon entering into adoption I would be so concerned with birth families staying involved. Its been a thoroughly exhausting process, we came home from meeting with FD (we stopped by to see FM on the way home) spent. But as I write today I'm so grateful for the gift of these relationships. As I think about the Puppy and Firefly growing up, knowing their birth parents and connecting with them in real ways, I feel like all the time I'm putting in now is worth it. Here's to the future.

Peace.