Working with All-Star
I got some good feedback from my last post about dealing with my all-star athlete who questioned my daughter's ethnic identity.
I brought it up because Hero shared information from a blog titled Harlow's Monkey where a woman reflects upon transracial and transnational adoption. The link that I will include at the bottom of this post tells about a summer camp where many parents thought their kids hadn't experienced much if any racism, where in actuality they had, and were very aware that they had.
I guess I'm getting the feeling if I want Firefly to be able to talk to me about things that are said to her, I need to model that I am equally affected and cognizant of those kinds of remarks. I can't be satisfied with just being not a racist, but I have to be anti-racist. Speaking out against harmful remarks, not letting things go by unquestioned, making sure that what is said around my daughter builds her up, not tears her down.
My hope is that if she sees that it is my issue as well, she'll know that it is safe to talk about it as she comes into contact with it when I'm not around.
About All-Star, the athlete who I discussed in the previous post, I'm happy to report that I worked with her all season, being as consistent and honest with her about the attitudes and work ethic that she brought to the team, and she made some great improvements. The assistant coaches on our team made a point to let me know how nice she was to be around by the end of the season. She would say hello to me in the halls of the school (she never did that the year before), and when it came to the big state competition she sought me out for additional practice which helped her achieve 5th in the state in her sport. Very exciting for both of us, and it was nice to do it together.
Thanks to all of you out there for helping me think through this situation. Harlow's Monkey can be found at:
http://harlowmonkey.typepad.com/harlows_monkey/2008/07/taking-off-the.html
3 comments:
"I can't be satisfied with just being not a racist, but I have to be anti-racist."
YES!! In college I was in this troupe where we worked for social change (mostly focusing on sexual assault and racism)...we read all this literature and one thing about racism that stuck out with me forever is the idea of being anti-racist. It's the age old if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem mentality. I'll have to find the reference but it's been said that racism is like one of those moving walkways at the airport...If you're just standing there NOT being racist, you're still traveling in that direction. You have to actively walk the other direction to be doing anything about it.
I think it's great that you're going to model your behavior for Firefly but walking in the opposite direction as opposed to just standing still :)
Oh, and I think the analogy is in the book by Beverly Tatum, "Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria." It's a great read.
@thanksgivingmom - I totally appreciated what you had to say. Sometimes I'm worried that the majority culture that most of us live in is just fed up with the race issue and is not willing to acknowledge that we still have some serious work to do.
I find myself concerned about a whole set of issues as I think about what her experience might be growing up.
Thanks for the reading recommendation, I'll have to check it out.
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