My freaky imagination
OK, so I'm curious if any of you are like me in this way. My problem is that mentally, sometimes I can't but play out the worst situations in my head with my kids. It freaks me out, and I kind of shut down for a while.
This week I heard on the radio a story about a family that had rented a vacation home, and before they had been there long, a 2 person light plane had a problem, crashed into the vacation home killing both on the plane, and the three children. I think their ages were 8, 10 and 13. First the story broke my heart. I feel so much for the family and I hope they have a strong community around them to support them through this terrible time. But then, I kept feeling or thinking about my own kids, and asking the question in my head, "Could that happen to us? Will that happen to us?"
For the next 3 days I couldn't help but be overcome by morbid thoughts of terrible things happening to my children and then trying to process all the emotions that it would bring. It's like the terrible thoughts just draw me in and I have no choice but to mentally play them out to their conclusion. I even imagine how I would explain the tragedy to their birth parents. Then I shake my head and try to realize its all in my imagination and I don't need to get bogged down by it.
When Puppy was a little less than one we were at the beach and he was in the water with Hero. A wave knocked him under and she reached in to grab him. Now he was only under water for a maximum of 2 to 3 seconds, but they were the worst 3 seconds of my life. I was so far away (probably only 20 meters) that I wasn't able to be an instant help, but by the time I was in the water he was shivering in his mom's arms and everything was cool. Still, I can't tell you how many times I replayed that situation in my head and imagined the worst. WHY DO I DO THIS? WHAT IS MY PROBLEM? Sorry about raising my voice, I just get so frustrated myself with these intensely morbid imaginations sometimes.
Well, I hope you all are more sound of mind than I am, but can anyone relate to this?
4 comments:
I haven't yet met a parent who *can't* relate. This is the best quote I've heard about parenting ever: "Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." - Elizabeth Stone
I can't watch my kids do certain things (jump into swimming polls -- I'm afraid of water anyway, climb tall trees, go down a hill fast on anything wheeled) because I start to panic. So their dad takes them to do these things while I stay home or back at the picnic site trying studiously not to look at them having fun.
I think we fear those things beyond our control the most. and especially those freaky random things that blindside you. I can only imagine how I'll feel as a parent about these things...
I fear those things too, and that specific story you referenced about the vacation house terrified me. My family had stayed in that very house. I get afraid too, and think maybe it will all be OK if we are always together every minute of every day. But then the logistics of that are hard to manage, so I have to learn to deal and trust...easier said than done.
Hi (a)dad, Google Reader recommended your site for me and lo and behold, I know you! :)
Anyhoo, I'm just catching up on your posts from the beginning and had to stop on this one. I'm sure I caught you off guard last weekend by talking about our daughter and then telling you that she died. Sorry. I love to talk about her and forget that everyone doesn't know her story. (She had a rare brain cancer.)
Parents worry. It's our nature. We worry about real possibilities (falling off the swing) and obscure oddities (plane hitting the house). It's our nature. But dwelling on it is not healthy. You've gotta just take life's trials as they come rather than bracing for what may come.
There is a saying - God does not choose the qualified rather He qualifies the chosen. Trust that if something were to happen to your children, God would give you (and them) the necessary strength to get through it.
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