A year ago, I met my daughter's birth mom..

So about a year ago I met Firefly's birthmom (FM). I remember walking into the room with Hero, nervous as hell. I had felt relaxed all the way there and the drive hadn't bothered me at all. But as soon as we arrived, when I realized that there was only a wooden door between us and our potentially future family member, my insides began turning cartwheels.

There's something about openness in adoption that makes me think of marriage. You get the spouse, but the inlaws are part of the package. With openness you are entrusted with a child to love and to raise, but you are also called, for the child's sake, to bring their parents into their circle of love and family as best and as real as you can.

When you commit to openness its a commitment to so much more than parenthood. Its a commitment to open your life to a whole new family. If our own families weren't as crazy and jacked up as they could be, here you are uniting with another clan, full of their own bumps and bruises.

Its crazy to think about it, but as I was getting ready to walk into that room, it was like meeting a person who would be vitally integral to my family's well being for a long time to come. Talk about pressure. I sure hoped we got off well.

I believe there is a window of opportunity when you just meet somebody. You can set the tone for the relationship you are going to have. You can be real, vulnerable, open and honest, or you can remain aloof and communicate that you are only willing to do the minimum. This belief also made me feel the intensity of the moment, as I knew we had an opportunity that I didn't want to let slip by. I wanted to establish some things that all of us would need down the road. No pressure.

The time went well, there were lots of tears, smiles, and hope for the future was there. Since Firefly has come home with us, we've been able to see FM about once a month, and we are driving out to see her this weekend. Firefly has grown and changed so much with each passing month it has been great to see FM interact with her at each stage and enjoy her beautiful changes.

One of the first times we went out to see her FM made a picture frame with butterflies and buttons, and the word DREAM. It has the cutest picture of the two of them in it, from Firefly's first month, and it sits at the end table next to her bed.

It means a lot to me that Firefly will know that from the beginning FM was alongside, an important and loving part of her life.