200% Dad

So funny thing, I'm hanging out with Beth, Firefly's Birthmom, and she asks me about Ray's recent visit and how that was for me. Get that, the birthmom of my adopted daughter asking me how I'm doing emotionally after a long sustained visit from the birthdad of my adopted son. Only in an Open Adoption. :-)

I shared that this visit was great and I loved to see the two (Puppy and Ray) bonding and spending time together. I told her that the time that was tough for me was the previous visit a year ago. Ray had come out and was having a great time and Puppy was really warming up to him. On day two of the visit I came down stairs to see them playing together and Ray very tenderly patting Puppy's head and reaching over to kiss him on his temple.

I froze. I started to sweat. That's how a dad is supposed to interact with his son. But that's my son, I'm the dad. These thoughts swirled through my head. I took a step down the stairs. Wait, I thought, Puppy does have two dads. Yeah, I'm the one who does the parenting, but he gets his DNA, his biology, his nature, probably most of his personality from the genetic mix that is 50% Ray. At that moment I knew with my heart (I already knew this with my head) that Puppy would always have two daddies and that they both loved him dearly. I knew with my heart that I would never be all of his daddy because there were certain special things that only Ray could be ( a link to his biological history, for example).

I loved Puppy so much, how could I ever get in the way or discourage his little mind and heart from exploring and enjoying all 200% of his daddies. With that in mind I've felt free to love Ray as family and embrace him as part of Puppy's daddy experience. Yeah, I'm Dad, but Ray is Birthdad and that part is mega special. I'm grateful that we can help Puppy know and enjoy him.

I was glad to be able to share that with Beth.

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For all of those who have left comments on my few posts, I am extremely grateful. I've responded to many of your posts in the comments section of each post.

Ray's Visit - it went great

So last night Puppy and I took Ray to the airport. As Ray was packing his bags to go, Puppy and I wrote a letter for him to take home, and we wrote on the letter "Secret Message: For Ray's Eyes Only - You can't open until you are on the plane." After a brief conversation about what we could put in the letter Puppy dictated this simple message.....

"Thank you for coming and visiting us, Ray. We will miss you when you go."

After saying those words he snuggled up real close to me and his eyes filled with tears. He made his little scrunched up face and I could see he was struggling to say goodbye.

After an hour in the car we got to the airport. I could tell Puppy was really sad, but he was trying to keep it together. It was too much for him to get out of the car to give Ray a hug goodbye so he hugged him from his car seat. As I got out Ray's bags Puppy said "Where's the letter? Where's the letter? Open in now, open it now."

So Ray did and thanked him for it and gave him another hug. As we drove away from the airport Puppy cried for 10 minutes straight then covered himself with his blanket for another 15. After a stop at a gas station for a potty break and a granola bar snack he was doing better.

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Why am I a fan of open adoption? Because Puppy knows Ray and considers him family. I saw Ray watch Puppy as I was at practice for 3 hours and all they did was wrestle, play with the football pads, and have a great time. Puppy got to take Ray fully into his world of legos, swing sets, sand boxes, trains, and cars. They laughed, hugged, and played non-stop for 3 days straight and I got to be with them and share in the joy.

I came home from practice the second day around 1pm and they were both still in their jammies trying to make a lego crane. Ray kept rubbing Puppy's long blond hairy head and Puppy just soaked up all the attention.

Why do I believe in Open Adoption? Ray and I talked as we walked Puppy to the park with the fountain that Open Adoption doesn't take away the pain of adoption, but it gives it the air it needs to breathe and heal. Family looks different, but family is still family.

Thank you Ray for a great 3 days.

A trip to the airport...

So tonight at dinner I asked Puppy if he wants to go to the airport with me tomorrow night and pick up Ray (his birthdad). It will be a late night for my three year old but not too crazy late. We should get back before 9pm. Its going to be his perfect little night. We'll probably get a Happy Meal on the way, and go greet someone who is flying from out of state to just see him. We've had a lot of visitors this summer who have spent a lot of time with him and he's loved it. I feel there is something different about this one...maybe I'm just reading into it, but it feels like Puppy knows Ray is his special visitor.

The plan is a bit crazy, so I'm hoping for the best. On Monday Hero works and so Ray and I will wake up early, drop Firefly off at the babysitter's, but Puppy, Ray and I will then go off to practice. I'm coaching football at a local high school and we are in the middle of summer camp. Ray is up for it and he's going to play with Puppy for those 2.5 hours where I'll be focused on the team. I'm nervous because that's a lot of time to keep Puppy occupied. If my little guy can't handle it and just melts down...we'll figure something else out for Tuesday.

Before he went to bed tonight Puppy says to me "This week I don't have to go to Natalie's [his babysitter] because I'm going to practice with you and Ray!"

Ray will stay with us until Wednesday night and something tells me that this is going to be a real significant visit for Puppy as he gets older. I'll let you know how it goes at the end of the week. Here's to open adoptions, an extended family, and fun with three year olds.