My folks are comin' over for a visit

So in about an hour, my folks and my dad's mom are arriving for a 4 day visit. I'm excited, but nervous. Nervous, because they drive Hero crazy. Any one relate?

Last time they were here we started talking politics (big mistake) and as she began to get frustrated with my parents, she politely said "you know, for the sake of family harmony maybe we should change the topic of conversation," to which my dad ignored and went on a 15 minute explanation for why people don't warm up to Hillary Clinton. Yeah, lets hope for a better visit this time.

I just try to remember its all about the grandkids. BTW, Great Grandma T will be seeing Firefly for the first time, so maybe you all could pour one out for the multi-racial family harmony that we all hope for.

My freaky imagination

OK, so I'm curious if any of you are like me in this way. My problem is that mentally, sometimes I can't but play out the worst situations in my head with my kids. It freaks me out, and I kind of shut down for a while.

This week I heard on the radio a story about a family that had rented a vacation home, and before they had been there long, a 2 person light plane had a problem, crashed into the vacation home killing both on the plane, and the three children. I think their ages were 8, 10 and 13. First the story broke my heart. I feel so much for the family and I hope they have a strong community around them to support them through this terrible time. But then, I kept feeling or thinking about my own kids, and asking the question in my head, "Could that happen to us? Will that happen to us?"

For the next 3 days I couldn't help but be overcome by morbid thoughts of terrible things happening to my children and then trying to process all the emotions that it would bring. It's like the terrible thoughts just draw me in and I have no choice but to mentally play them out to their conclusion. I even imagine how I would explain the tragedy to their birth parents. Then I shake my head and try to realize its all in my imagination and I don't need to get bogged down by it.

When Puppy was a little less than one we were at the beach and he was in the water with Hero. A wave knocked him under and she reached in to grab him. Now he was only under water for a maximum of 2 to 3 seconds, but they were the worst 3 seconds of my life. I was so far away (probably only 20 meters) that I wasn't able to be an instant help, but by the time I was in the water he was shivering in his mom's arms and everything was cool. Still, I can't tell you how many times I replayed that situation in my head and imagined the worst. WHY DO I DO THIS? WHAT IS MY PROBLEM? Sorry about raising my voice, I just get so frustrated myself with these intensely morbid imaginations sometimes.

Well, I hope you all are more sound of mind than I am, but can anyone relate to this?

Working with All-Star

I got some good feedback from my last post about dealing with my all-star athlete who questioned my daughter's ethnic identity.

I brought it up because Hero shared information from a blog titled Harlow's Monkey where a woman reflects upon transracial and transnational adoption. The link that I will include at the bottom of this post tells about a summer camp where many parents thought their kids hadn't experienced much if any racism, where in actuality they had, and were very aware that they had.

I guess I'm getting the feeling if I want Firefly to be able to talk to me about things that are said to her, I need to model that I am equally affected and cognizant of those kinds of remarks. I can't be satisfied with just being not a racist, but I have to be anti-racist. Speaking out against harmful remarks, not letting things go by unquestioned, making sure that what is said around my daughter builds her up, not tears her down.

My hope is that if she sees that it is my issue as well, she'll know that it is safe to talk about it as she comes into contact with it when I'm not around.

About All-Star, the athlete who I discussed in the previous post, I'm happy to report that I worked with her all season, being as consistent and honest with her about the attitudes and work ethic that she brought to the team, and she made some great improvements. The assistant coaches on our team made a point to let me know how nice she was to be around by the end of the season. She would say hello to me in the halls of the school (she never did that the year before), and when it came to the big state competition she sought me out for additional practice which helped her achieve 5th in the state in her sport. Very exciting for both of us, and it was nice to do it together.

Thanks to all of you out there for helping me think through this situation. Harlow's Monkey can be found at:

http://harlowmonkey.typepad.com/harlows_monkey/2008/07/taking-off-the.html